All I want for Christmas: please don't buy me either of these

I am notoriously difficult to wake up. The Eccentric English Boyfriend maintains that he has never met anybody who can sleep as much and as soundly as me. EEB and the kids have tried many things to wake me - 14 Year Old Daughter very kindly brought me a nice hot cup of hot chocolate one morning - I fell asleep with it in my hand and was woken by the cup tipping its contents all over me and the bed. I have the world's loudest alarm clock but quickly mastered the art of turning it off in my sleep - the only interruption to my repose being the sudden appearance of beeping noises in my dreams! Armageddon could come and go and I would keep snoring (not that I snore, no matter what EEB says).

This alarm clock might just work. It's certainly annoying enough, I wonder if it's loud enough:



Clocky shrieks annoyingly and effectively (apparently) and then leaps off your night stand and drives around your room, making random turns and racing away from your grasp. In theory having to get up and chase the damn thing around the room in order to catch it and turn it off should be enough to rouse the deepest sleeper. I'm pretty sure Clocky may have met his match in me though. And if all else fails I'd just set the dogs on him - bwahahahahaha. US$49.99-$59.99 from Think Geek.

This next product is guaranteed to wake me, but also guaranteed is that I'd be pretty murderous afterwards!



The idea behind the Sonic Grenade is that the person who is already awake (ie EEB) pulls the pin and throws the grenade into the bedroom where sleeping beauty (ie me) is resting peacefully dreaming of Nathan Fillion (mmmmm, Nathan Fillion). The Sonic Grenade emits a noise loud enough to wake the dead, but the real beauty (or sadism) of it lies in the fact that the now roused sleeper not only has to retrieve the grenade but has to find the person who threw it to retrieve the pin and place it back in the Sonic Grenade in order to stop the noise. I'm pretty sure that EEB values his life enough to know that waking me in this fashion would be a very silly idea. £9.95 from Firebox.